She Won’t Need Me One Day

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My almost 21-month-old climbed up the kitchen island jumping up and down saying, “More? More?” Getting increasingly higher in pitch and volume until I give her my attention. “What do you want more of?” I ask. She points to the green and yellow fruit across the room. “Mango?” I ask. She dances, swaying side to side and smiling ear to ear. As I cut the fruit into squares, it dawned on me that she won’t ask me to do this one day. Dare I say? She won’t need me one day.

Every day she gets smarter and funnier. Throwing her garbage in the trash and putting toys away. But nothing warms my momma heart when she tries to take care of her little sister. Her big brown eyes beaming at me to see if I was watching her or flashing her mischievous smile when she did something she knew was wrong. One day, it will change. She will leave a mess and an unkept room. Fighting with her sister and having arguments with me. I can’t help but think that one day…she won’t need me.

Her little arms that cling on to me for comfort will one day cling on to books and clothes. Her small but meaningful words will change into thoughtful sentences. Her outfits once chosen by me will be picked out by her. Her big brown eyes that look to me for comfort will one day roll to either side because I will be “unfair.”

I think about all the small things she does and says then ponder on the fact that these moments may be the last time. Yes, one day she won’t need me but today and every day, I need her more than ever.

I need her hugs to bandage my bad days. Her kisses to heal my adult arguments. Her smile to remind me to be strong. I need her laugh to keep me optimistic. Her energy to keep me active and her voice to keep me present.

I need her so I can survive and thrive, especially through this crazy pandemic.

As I place the chunks of mango on to her plate, her eyes light up with joy, and excitedly responds, “ta-do!” (Which means, thank you.) I always hear her saying “more” in my head and one day she won’t ask me for more. I hope she grows up knowing more love will always be found at home. But for now, I will be relaxing in our times together and melting in our little hugs because one day, she won’t need me.

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