One Year, Two Hats

0

Working mom
One year. 

It has been one year since I returned to work from my extended maternity leave and entered a whole new world that I never expected. Because when I thought I was going back to the office and the workday that I had previously, the universe had other plans. Due to COVID-19, I never actually went back to the office. Instead, I just went upstairs to my guest room and rejoined my colleagues virtually as best as I knew how. Luckily, this virtual environment was new to everyone so I somewhat fit in. Little did anyone (including myself) realize, though, that not only was I juggling the new virtual workplace but also returning to work after six months off with a new baby at the same time, and what a difficult combination that would be. 

One year.

It has been one year since my husband and I made the call to keep our youngest out of childcare. To keep her safe from illness and to allow our oldest the best chance at living the normal life he was used to at pre-k. My husband stayed home to take care of our daughter, and I worked from the other room. 

One year. 

It has been one year since I was blessed to see my baby throughout the day, every day. I was able to witness all of her firsts! I was lucky enough to never have to pump between meetings or on my lunch hour. And I was able to kiss her before every nap. 

One year.

It has been one year since I had to learn how challenging it is to play “mom” and “worker” back and forth all day every day. I had to navigate all responsibilities and exchange figurative hats multiple times per day. 

One year. 

It has been one year and I’m both forever grateful and exhausted all at the same time. Because it is possible, and perfectly acceptable, to be both. It is ok to love that I can go downstairs and join my toddler for lunch, that I don’t have a commute, and that I can see my kids as soon as I close my laptop for the day. It’s also ok to feel mentally drained because every minute of every day I’m thinking about how to either maximize my time with my family or my career under the same roof. Motherhood is hard. Working full-time is hard. Doing both motherhood and a full-time job from the same house, during the same hours without clear borders or boundaries is a whole new kind of hard. 

One year. 

It has been one year with this new normal, and with no clear end in sight. On some days I’m still exhausted because there are no breaks. On most days I feel happy or guilty at any given time. But, every day I know that I am strong and that everything will be ok. 

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here