Realizing you are just one person
As women, we try to do everything and take all the worry off of everyone else. Then we become moms and that sense goes into hyperdrive. Some of us are more of the “I’ve got ALL of this” type than others and that’s okay. I just happen to fit into the “I’ve got ALL of this and I don’t need your help” category. However, recently I was put into a situation that made me realize, I’m only one person and I can’t do it all.
For almost 6 months there has been an event on the calendar that will take me away from home every day, all day for five to seven days straight. I would need my fiancé to take over picking up our daughter from school and all the nightly to-dos for that time frame. Well, I assumed that’s how that would work because I told him about the event and he said no problem. Fast-forward to two weeks before the said event and my fiancé is told he has to go on a work trip. The work trip is three and a half days of the now 7-day event. Insert the ugly crying, freaking out, anger, screaming, blaming, and just all the ugly that can come with fear and stress.
Oh wait, I haven’t been doing it all by myself
As soon as I found out he HAD to go, I texted my best friend to dump all of this drama on her. Thank God for her. She immediately said, “don’t worry, we’ve got Nolan covered and I’ll help you with the event.” I was so overtaken by this feeling of gratitude but also guilt. I didn’t have it all under control nor was I the only one handling all of “it”.
It really does take a village
Just because, I was the one doing all of the legwork, the lifting, the momming, stressing, laundry, toilet scrubbing, etc. I wasn’t the only one. For many years, I was a single mom, who literally did everything. My ego, brain, or whatever it is inside of me had not transitioned to realize that I actually had help. He helped me every day, my bestie helped me on more occasions than I can count, and my family helped out as well. Not one person can be in two places at once and when you have a child (or children) you sometimes have to be in two places at once. That’s when the village comes to help out.
I feel like a jerk
I loathe asking for help. Just because I don’t ask for help, doesn’t mean I don’t receive help. My fiancé steps in and just picks up whatever I can’t tackle without me asking. I’ve become reliant on him and I didn’t even realize the depth of that need. He doesn’t have to but he just does without complaint. My bestie steps in any time I mention my overload to her.
Actions and words
In short, saying thank you just isn’t enough. Learning when to step in and help out without being asked is truly a skill. It’s one I need to learn more about. A recent article from a fellow mom blogger, Ways to help a friend in crisis, helped me to start gathering ideas to just do little things for my friends.
We can do it all with the help of our friends and loved ones
I just needed to get out of my own way to realize that it is all done better together than alone. My daughter needs to see that friendships and family are a part of what makes her strong.
“It’s not what we have in our life, but who we have in our life that counts.” —J.M. Laurence