Am I bad mom? Are we collectively bad moms? My kids eat Mac n Cheese, cheap hot dogs, and sugary cereal. They all had formula (the generic kind), and 2/3 were in child care at 8 weeks. The third came to work with me at 3 weeks because…well, it’s not really anyone else’s business, is it? And more importantly, it doesn’t matter. Every decision I make as a parent isn’t high stakes. Some decisions just have to be made, and I have recently happened upon the tiniest, most unspoken little secret in mom circles everywhere…
No, I’m not a bad mom.
Yeah, I said it. Actually, I THINK I’M AWESOME. I’m not humble-bragging, I am actually bragging because I’m a
great decent person who does a thousand things all at once, and most of them at least mediocrely. The saddest thing to me about even saying that phrase is that in this idea of being a “good mom,” or even an acceptable version of “hot mess mom” is the assumption that we all have the choice. What makes us feel like we’re bad moms is this idea that we even have the option to be a “good” one. But let’s be clear, this option is pretty limited for most of us.
If I just worked a little harder, we’d eat less processed food.
If I cared more, I would have breast fed longer.
If we lived more reasonably, I could have stayed home with the kids.
None of these things are true. I work hard, and I care about my kids, and I need to work. The end, it doesn’t go any deeper than that.
The take-home message? I’m not a bad mom. And neither are you.
As moms, we get ushered into this world of motherhood where we are expected to be everything to everyone. Hallmark cards about moms being superheroes are cute…until you’re the mom that has to be one. Balancing work, kids, swim lessons, school conferences, finances, laundry, family drama, what happens if the car breaks down, or someone is sick, or forgot their homework or failed a test…it’s just, like…what? Who does this?
I’m sorry, but no. Just, No. I hate to break it to us, but we aren’t superheroes. We aren’t superhuman, we’re regular ones. And that means we experience regular human things. Like overwhelm and disappoint and sadness and also excitement and the sheer joy of watching our kids be happy.
The good news is we aren’t alone, we have each other. So come hang out with Indy Moms Blog at our Bad Moms House Party and meet other regular humans doing regular human things. Like…drinking cheap wine and eating pizza and shopping. We might also have beer pong. By that I mean…we will definitely have beer pong.
Come let loose for a couple hours- eat, shop, and be your imperfect, non-superhuman, regular self.