I feel like I’m finally thriving. I’m tired, my house is a mess, my child is almost three, potty training is a nightmare most days, and I could hardly find time to sit down and write this blog post. I’m constantly needed and busy, I have no personal space, I repeat myself 100 times a day, and yet, I feel like I’m finally where I’m supposed to be.
I found myself thinking about this the other day, mid-toddler-public outing-break down. I could have felt embarrassed. I could have doubted and judged myself. I probably had felt those very things several years ago as a new mom. I wasn’t embarrassed, though. I didn’t worry about the people around me. I kept calm, stood my ground, and laughed it off because I know that a toddler throwing a tantrum over snacks doesn’t make me a terrible mom. I realized at that moment that I am my best self right now.
I know that I’m a fantastic wife and mom, and that’s what matters to me.
Does thriving mean that everything is perfect? That my husband and I never disagree or argue, or that my child is well-behaved 100% of the time? No. Does it mean that I never raise my voice or feel overwhelmed? No. Does it mean that I’m never late to anything and perfectly organized? Definitely not.
Actually, it means none of those things.
In fact, my family is living in a temporary apartment right now, all of our things are in storage, I’m pretty sure two-year-olds are supposed to go to bed before 11 pm, I’m imperfect. We’re stumbling our way through pandemic life one day at a time, nothing is sure for us right now, but I’m sure of myself for what feels like one of the first times in my life.
In the middle of uncertainty, chaos, moving, and life changes, I am strong, confident, proud of myself, healthy, happy, financially stable, and most importantly, I’m not concerned with what others think about me.
And that is freeing.
I am challenged by my child in public several times each day. I’m pulled in 12 different directions trying to take care of my family. I’m learning about myself and growing along the way. I’m comfortable in my own imperfect skin. I can admit my mistakes. I’m unwavering in my opinions. I’m responsible for another’s life, so I am fiercely protective of my family and our wellbeing. I’m an advocate for myself and others. I’m prioritizing my mental and physical health. I can see past the judgment from others to their own uncertainty and insecurities. I’ve shed negativity. I’m pursuing my passions and interests. I am loved and needed. I am capable of handling every difficult relationship, every parenting decision, every one of life’s stressors, because I am confident in my abilities and who I am.
That’s thriving to me.