Anxiety and me
I have anxiety. There I said it. Anxiety has been a part of me since I was young. What causes it? Everything!
At this moment my anxiety is coming from all directions. It feels like it is a weight always sitting on my back. I keep thinking if I just cross one thing off my list it will get better. Every time something gets crossed off, then something gets added. It’s like a never ending cycle that I have to survive.
So, here I am writing about it in hopes that it will help me feel better. I am hoping that by writing it down, I’ll be able to let it go just a little bit.
Why am I anxious?
1) Next week I have an important presentation, on a stage, in the lights with roughly 100 women watching me. There are so many details to get ready for this meeting, and I can’t forget a single one.
2) Since March we have been working to become foster parents. I recently read that 100 children are going into the foster care system per week! Yet here we are and our application/home study still has not been submitted to DCS.
3) My husband and I are hosting a large Christmas open house three days after my presentation mentioned above.
4) I went in to see an orthopedic doctor, and I was expecting to receive PT but instead was informed I needed to have my ankle reconstructed. Needless to say, I am going to get a second opinion, but with two small children, there is no way this is a possibility.
5) My sister-in-law. Long story short, she has declared what time we are hosting my husband’s side of the family for Christmas. If it is not at this time she and her family will not be attending.
6) I have been fighting with the manufactures of our “newly” installed hardwood floors for 6 months. On the plus side, they finally agreed to pay for a new floor and the installation cost. I had to laugh though because the floor I chose is back ordered.
7) Everything happening in our country. Politically, socially, economically, environmentally. This alone is enough to make you “hibernate” at home for the rest of your life.
I wish writing it down would allow me to “let it go,” but when does that work? Exercise was one of my biggest coping mechanisms, but that isn’t an option with the state of my ankle. It feels great to cross things off the list, but again it always gets replaced.
I do have a plan or at least a new frame of mind. Learn to live within it. Rewire my brain a bit at a time with every small decision or happening. Remind myself to refocus, but be kinder when I forget. Focus on hope. Focus on others. Serve others. Be thankful.