A Letter to My Daughter’s Birth Mom

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Dear Birth Mom, 

I think of you every single day. We have a deep bond that is unexplainable to those who have not walked in our shoes. We are living proof of deep connection in this world. How on earth can you bond with someone you don’t really know? It’s possible if you let it. We aren’t Facebook friends, but I do stalk your page just for peace of mind. Let’s be honest. Can you blame me? You are in my heart. I worry about you. I love and adore you. Are you happy? Do you need anything? How are you emotionally? What are the latest happenings in your life? I feel this bond with you and I want to make sure you are doing well. Even though we have only met twice, those moments will always be tucked deep into my soul. Moments of truth, love, and raw vulnerability. Your beauty radiates through your simple presence.  

At the age of 23, I am in awe of your bravery, inner confidence, and values. Keeping your pregnancy a secret to even the ones who love you most is something I cannot comprehend. You drove yourself to the hospital in active labor, unaware of the hurricane of emotions you would feel. Not only did you walk into the hospital alone, you made it clear upon arrival that you wanted to create an adoption plan. Research went into picking the adoption agency ahead of time. You would settle for nothing but perfection for your baby. You had a plan that was created so lovingly and with attention to detail. You delivered her and depended on the love of the nurses and doctors to calm your fears. Complete strangers at your bedside acting as cheerleaders through the delivery. What bravery.  

You shared that you went to work the day after delivery. Not a single soul knowing that you gave birth the day before. Not only were you healing physically, but also balancing hard emotions. The nurses reassured me that you were strong and quite mature for your age.  Of course, I had questions. I needed reassurance that you had a hand to hold during delivery and that your decision to create an adoption plan was admired. I needed to know that you had everything you needed to recover at home. I needed to know if you were aware that you had a girl. The nurses shared that you didn’t want to know the gender. The questions kept coming from me. Here I am holding this healthy, beautiful, baby girl at the hospital and you were home recovering. Still holding in this secret that you were ever even pregnant. Your emotional well-being kept me awake at night. I prayed you were okay. My heart craved that reassurance.  

You had a choice. Your strength completed my family. My son Graham is the perfect big brother and they will forever be bonded. I look at Grace with such joy knowing that you gave me the greatest blessing I prayed about daily for 6 years. How can I thank you? No gift or words could ever solidify my love for you. I prayed for so many years. Was God with me? Was he listening? Now I know He was and He was working a miracle in both of our lives. Patience is a virtue. Just when you feel lost, God steps in and gets to work. Always for the greater good. For all the mamas waiting to adopt, you will soon have your own story. Trust me.  

Looking back, there were many opportunities to adopt other babies over the years, but God had other plans. He always does. We were waiting for our sweet baby Grace. The moment the nurse placed Grace in my arms, overwhelming peace flowed through my being. She smiled at me and it all became so perfectly clear. God had the perfect plan all along.  Sometimes you don’t see the plan, but it’s there. When perfection happens, all the past unknowns become crystal clear.

I remember wanting so desperately to meet you. The adoption agency shared that you did not want to meet or have contact. My heart was not convinced. You just needed time. I longed to hug you. To comfort you. To reassure you that Grace will be so loved. To promise that she will always know her story. To vow to always stay in touch, matching your level of comfort. I needed you to know that Mike and I were loving Grace in the hospital hours after you were discharged. She was snuggled in our arms. We sang to her and let her know how much she was loved by you. She was never alone. So loved and adored by the nurses as they waited for us to arrive. This perfect human, tightly wrapped and wearing a big pink bow. Amazing Grace…

Once we were settling in at home, the phone rang. Our social worker let us know you wanted to meet. A mix of overwhelming happiness and anxiety took over. The minute we met, those feelings faded. You are just as beautiful as I imagined. Strong on the outside, yet inside, I knew you were overwhelmed. There was no way I was going to wait for you to ask to hold her. She was in your arms within minutes and I could see the love in your eyes. That moment will never leave me. It was perfect, natural, and peaceful for both of our souls.  

A year in a half has passed and now you are a mama to a precious baby girl.  The picture you sent of you holding her in the hospital was so telling.  This was your moment and you will be a natural.  What a lucky little girl.   

I vow to always be open to the level of connection you desire at different points in your life.  If you wonder, I will still be here when you are ready. Grace is our daughter. She is yours and ours. Two families intertwined forever and always through the beauty of adoption.   

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