I Love You in the Mundane: A Letter to My Husband

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marriageGoing into marriage, I thought the big moments would be my favorite. I thought of the milestones we would celebrate, the trips we would take, and the dreams we would pursue. This summer, we celebrated our fifth anniversary. We have celebrated many milestones together. We have taken big trips together. We have traveled the country and across the world. While these moments make for good memories, the mundane moments are my favorite. 

The moments you let our daughter ride on your back, pretending to be a horsey; the evenings we kick back and watch shows together; the weekend day trips to nearby towns; these are the moments that I enjoy the most. Early in our marriage, I tried to create picture-perfect moments. On our anniversary, I would book a reservation at a fancy restaurant. On more than one occasion, the reservation had to be canceled. Something always came up, whether it be a family emergency, illness, or a work situation that needed to be addressed. You worked nights and weekends. Scheduling special dates became extremely difficult. 

“Why do I bother trying?” I found myself asking. At one point, I stopped making plans. I was tired of being disappointed. We hit some low points in our marriage. The stress of the world was overwhelming. We had disagreements. Somewhere along the way, I started to see the beauty in all of the ugliness. Maybe it was how you prioritized our family that demonstrated how selfless and loving you are as a husband. Maybe it was the way that you left a well-paying career because you could see how that career affected our family. It could have been the time that you took over baby duty, bravely agreeing to watch our little girl as a newborn so I could get away for an afternoon. As silly as it sounds, that massage and trip to Target restored my sense of self as a new mother. 

You are that much more handsome and wonderful to me because you choose our happiness over your own. Our lives and our marriage are nowhere near perfect. There are new stressors in this phase. We disagree about things still. 

Somehow, we carry on. You wrap me up in a big bear hug and tell me it’s all going to be alright. You remind us that we’re a team. You find little ways to cheer me up. You know the way to my heart is to pick up a bottle of my favorite wine and clean up the kitchen. At the end of a busy day, you sacrifice your leisure time by curling up with our little girl and playing her favorite songs. You don’t bat an eye when I obsess over the temperature of the thermostat or something else silly. That’s love in the mundane. There was a quote that rings true for us today in our marriage. It was one that I framed and displayed at our wedding, “Once in a while, right in the middle of ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale.”

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