On December 31st, I mindlessly scrolled through image after image of people’s New Year’s resolutions and inspiring messages for the new year on social media. Or at least, they were supposed to be inspiring. Reading them myself, I felt indifferent. When I came across a post that claimed the way you feel and what you do on December 31st will set the tone for the entire new year, I felt my anxiety creeping in.
Here I was, in my pajamas, caring for a preschooler with a bad cold and chasing after a toddler who wanted my attention, while also trying to take care of my tired, pregnant self. If I was looking into my home as an outsider, I would see chaos. Is wiping noses and picking up toys the way I’m going to spend all of my time this year?
The reality is, maybe. In a moment of frustration, I deleted Facebook and Instagram from my phone and moved on to do something more productive, silently declaring that I’d come up with a resolution later.
When “later” rolled around and I still had no ideas, I realized that this year, I won’t be making any resolutions. This isn’t my year to run a marathon, start a new hobby, or set big goals for my career. This isn’t my year to give up sugar, lose weight (not until after the baby is born, at least) or take an extravagant vacation.
I had been putting so much pressure on myself to come up with big goals, when the reality is, I need to take care of myself and my family. Growing a baby is a big deal. Taking care of a 4 and 2-year-old is a huge responsibility. All of these little people and my husband count on me, and I don’t need to put pressure on myself to do more than I’m already doing.
I think that there will be a time for that in the future. When I have three kids sleeping through the night, feeding themselves and out of diapers, that might be my time to run the marathon, take up a new hobby or finally take a vacation with my husband. But for the next couple of years? I’m right where I’m supposed to be, in my pajamas, wiping noses and taking a newly potty trained toddler to the bathroom time and time again.
It might not be glamorous, but it is still my new year.